Guess who’s back, back again.

If you know, you know.

I don’t think i posted here for 2 years. I was going through some things, well my brain was. I had no motivation, and well… to be honest, it’s hard to understand why. I have had my fair share of shitty deals. In a way, I was recently shuffling that deck for myself. Things have been better in my life, but I still felt that wave of exhaustion and depression wash over me. It wasn’t a good place to be, it never is for anyone. It’s kind of weird really. My brain, my mind. I don’t understand why it sometimes makes me feel painfully. Why it makes me think in such a way. The trauma I endured is way behind me, yet it’s hard for me to keep it there. There have been times where I just coasted. Day by day, doing not much, if anything productive. Time to change!!

Anyways, I have been feeling better the past couple weeks. I decluttered my home, and I think that was a big reason to my mental state. It was hard to keep my home clean with all the boxes and clutter, continuing to pile up. All the mess and clutter suffocated me me mentally, in a way. To the point, where it just got worse and worse. It was at the point, that it was as if, i didnt notice all this mess around me. My sleeping schedule is still a bit wonky, something I have to work on. It’s hard for me to get REM sleep. Most nights I have my eyes closed, lying there. My brain is so awake though. It won’t shut up. This has happened for years. Sometimes I get a better sleep. Sometimes I sleep in to stay in dream land, to try and rest. I should stop sleeping in though. Even if my mind was up,my eyes and body got rest. I get more done when I am up early and ready to go. If my brain is tired, i usually have a better sleep the day after. Alas, I like laying in bed, all snuggled in the blankets, my mind making a movie, or telling some story. This is why I like my dreams too. When i get to that dreamland stand, finally. My dreams are so interesting. Its like watching a new show, and not wanting to turn your eyes away.

Before I digress too much, let’s see what I have been up too this whole time.

When I was in the right mood, I started to attempt my home studies. I am working on it now. I am not getting far, but when i am the teacher, the principal and the student it gets hard. I have came up with some plans and ways to make it easier though.

I have been going through texts, websites, Videos ect, and added them accordingly to lesson plans. I almost have my all lessons plans, or atleast a good starting point – where I won’t have to make a lesson plan for a while. I have found some great sites with games, assignments and worksheets. Making those lesson plans alone, take up time too. It makes it easier though, because i have everything planned out. I also sometimes make my own worksheets, but find it easier when I can come across a premade one on the web.

A little look at one of my lesson plans. This one is Anatomy & Physiology.

Lesson plan for forensic anthropology.

I have come across some great websites that have helped. Some of these include liveworksheets.com, studylib.net, quiz let.com. Those three have nice worksheets and flashcards. I also have found that you can put a subject into your search Engine followed by weebly. Sometimes you will find a teachers website for that subject, and sometimes you can get assignments and worksheets that way. Khanacademy.com is also a great site for learning and getting quizzed afterwards, and it is 100% free, and always will be.

I have also used YouTube, for good videos. As I make my lesson plan, I have a general idea on what I will be learning so i can search for a video. (IE: After learning geology basics we learn how the earth formed, then we get more into tectonic plates. I have simply found videos on tectonic plates to watch, during that part in the lesson. ) Sometimes you can even find a worksheet or questions regarding that video online as well. Maybe i will make a Google classroom or Canvas down the road, so others can take my premade course for free. It’s nice to learn new things, but we dont all have the funds or time to go back to school. It could make learning at home easier.

So what kind of courses am I taking at home?

• Anatomy and physiology
• Forensic anthropology (I will probably do more forensic type classes later on)
• Geology
• Oceanography
• Writing with Rhetoric
• Computer science
• Writing workshop (I will do journal entries, writing prompts and work on my own unfinished projects
• Math grade 6 (I have taken a quiz on Khan Academy, and grade 6 is where i seem to have some struggles with. It’s been a long time, and I am currently re learning and upgrading I guess. I will do the higher grades once i am better.

That is alot of courses. one may say it’s too much. We will see how this goes. I have to finish up my lesson plan for Computer Science, then we can get going. I have slowly been working on this, but need to get a move on it. Anyone have a whip they can crack for me??

So wait… you may ask. Why learn these things. Do you plan on getting a new career? Kind of, but i also just want to learn for the heck of it. I also would like to have better math skills. I also have an interest in mortuary science, bones, dead bodies ect. Pathology would be cool, but I don’t know if i could really have the stomach to cut up cadavers. Although it would be interesting to see how and why they passed. No I feel like I could still be involved with dead bodies, but after the autopsies. I would make the corpse nice, and prepare it for the funeral. Make it nice for the families. Make sure the body is taken care of and treated with respect in its final days. I know that sounds morbid, and I am sure many of you are getting the heebee jeebees.

I don’t get it either, but dark things have always fascinated me. I love true crime and horror. The bloodier the better. I swear I’m not a maniac.

anyways…

I feel like its a job no one wants, but a job for me. I am very empathetic, and I feel like i could use that as a mortician. I could find myself feeling for the dead, for their families. We are all humans. We are all shells carrying within us souls. Dead or alive we are all humans. With all our flaws, quirks, desires, morals ect.

So what else have i been up too. The usual really – reading, gaming, watching movies and shows, NOT WRITING!! I managed to add write chapter to RED. Wow so much….. not, *sad face* I think k now that I have no clutter, I can focus on it more. Honestly, it’s amazing what your environment can do to ones mental and emotional health and state of mind. I guess i can make some more blogs soon. More book reviews maybe some gaming blogs. Some blogs and or reviews on things I watched. Like i said before I need someone to crack that whip, and get me going.

I also plan on maybe adding some schoolwork to this blog. The stuff from my Writing Workshops. Papers I wrote on the material I have been studying. This blog just may be a bigger pot of randomness. Ya’ll will never know what you will get.

So, i am going to end this here. I just figured hey. Let’s do some blogging, and didn’t really know where i would go. I just began to write and went from there. Didn’t expect to open up about my mental health issues, but hey. I guess i needed to just let it out.